i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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