Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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