i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize