Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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