A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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