I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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