My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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