Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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