this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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