It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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