I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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