Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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