my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize