haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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