It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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