my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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