Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Can Purell be used as lube?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize