i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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