You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize