i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize