Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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