Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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