she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
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Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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