He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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