Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
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I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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