So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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