I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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