Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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