This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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