Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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