I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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