I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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