When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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