Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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