i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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