now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
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Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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