They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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