just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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