WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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