Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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