Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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