Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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