okay pat passed out under dana's car
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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