I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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