We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
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He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
FUCK WHALES
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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