remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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