o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
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