Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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