Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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