i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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